Even if your relationship is not the happiest one, or you have realized that the person you are with is not your soulmate, it is natural that some part of you might want to stick to the good stuff right now. When you feel uncertainty and anxiety about nearly everything else in the world, having someone close to hold onto may seem so valuable. But if a relationship is creating even more problems during this time, and you feel there are more and more reasons to break up with, you may actually find yourself happier being single.
But how do you know the lack of joy in your relationship is not just a side effect of the COVID-19 depression, and that you genuinely would feel better without it? Below are five reasons to break up with someone in order to become happier.
Check out five reasons to leave someone for the sake of your tranquility
Reason One. Your arguments become cyclical
You both feel that compromise and effective problem-solving don’t work any longer—you are having the same argument repeatedly. Now, you should recognize if these are arguments that started before the lockdown. Because if you had the problems before the world began crumbling, there’s less evidence that you can blame outside stressors for destroying your otherwise healthy relationship—and you may have to accept the inevitable.
“No matter what you do and how you try to overcome your partnership issues, there is no peaceful solution,” says Phil Sagan, Leader of Mission Æo. “The two of you have the same fights over and over, without resolving the conflict. This process is a waste of time and negates any growth. Manifesting your relationship together should help if you have a common chord. But it may become a long, exhausting and disappointing journey if you pursue two alternative visions, and one of you only pretends to abide.”
Reason Two. The thought of freedom makes you happy
It’s not just that you feel trapped with your partner (but you might actually be trapped with your partner if you are quarantining together). Rather, it’s that you’ve started daydreaming about what your life might be like without this relationship and your partner beside. You enjoy watching shows or movies about people out living single, freewheeling lives, and you really envy them. And not because they get to drink and meet new interesting people, and not even because they can have thrilling sex. Instead, it’s because they only have to deal with themselves and no one else.
“Long-term happiness is not possible for anyone in a partnership that threatens their serenity. The only remedy sometimes is to move forward alone.” —Phil Sagan, Leader of Mission Æo
“Ending a relationship that suffers persistent conflicts is an experience that liberates,” says Phil. “Long-term happiness is not possible for anyone in a partnership that threatens their serenity. The only remedy sometimes is to move forward alone.”
Reason Three. Your points of view are antagonistic
During isolation, there’s so much you could argue about—but in your case, those minor disagreements feel fundamental and crucial at the same time. Let’s say you two share different approaches to how to social distance in a safe manner: They go out without a mask on and post on social media about how “everyone’s overreacting,” and you just can’t tolerate that. It seems disgusting to you, it embarrasses you, and arguing about it won’t change your different beliefs.
For example, if you feel embarrassed when your partner speaks in front of others, breaking up might make you happier. You may also be left wondering if people feel bad for you because of having this partner. As a result, you may distance yourself to avoid feeling this way.
Reason Four. You’re no longer sexually attracted to each other
You may be suffering from a low libido because of the pandemic. But if you feel like you have to force yourself to be with your partner, virtually or in real life, it’s a sign that you’d be happier trying someone else as your sexual partner.
Reason Five. Resentments are too many, and they are long-standing
A little different than overt conflicts, these are the issues that accumulate over time. Cheating or making a life changing decision without speaking with you first, or something else… The thought alone makes you feel sick, and it is always in the back of your mind, and has made many of your interactions so tense. Resentments kill attraction, desire, and intimacy. Resentments that you don’t mitigate will eventually destroy your partnership.
And we don’t mean that you can’t simply live with your partner; it’s something that you will carry with you to your freewheeling life. Resentment makes it impossible for people to really flourish and move forward—even if you keep your relationship for a while, reasons to break up with someone still may well exist. And your overall happiness may remain stuck on lockdown.